Questioner: How should women correct men if they err?

Ustaadh Lukmaan Idrees Sekoni: All perfect praise is for Allaah alone. If a man errs, how can his wife correct him? There are many ways by which women could correct their husbands. The ways are even more than that of the men which we (had earlier) explained. Allaah says, “Verily, your efforts are diverse (different in aims and purposes)” [Soorah al-Layl (92):4]. Women are to correct men with tranquility. Allaah gave women some powers with which they can rectify men no matter how men may be hardhearted. Women need not be taught such ways, it is natural. I hope it is understood. There is no need mentioning it to those women who asked the question. Rectify men with the power Allaah gave you. I hope it is understood.

There are many examples of such (rectification). When the (Divine) Revelation to the Prophet first commenced he was overwhelmed with fear, but our mother Khodeejah (rodiyaLloohu ‘anha) made him calm down. We all know this issue. Also, the day the prophet was very angry because the people were reluctant and did not rise to obey his command after the truce of Hudaybiyah as a result of their being restrained from entering Mecca; the prophet angrily entered the tent. Our mother, ‘Umm Salamah (rodiyaLloohu ‘anha), asked the prophet about what made him angry? The Prophet told her that the people did not follow his orders. While the Prophet was still angry, ‘Umm Salamah (rodiyaLloohu ‘anha) gently suggested that the prophet should go out from the tent and shave his head, (she said that hoping) the people would follow suit. The prophet took her advice and shaved his head. When he appeared to the people with his head shaven, they started shaving theirs too.

‘Umm Sulaym (rodiyaLloohu ‘anha); her son died, while her husband, Aboo Talhah, went out when the son was sick. The son had died before Aboo Talhah came back. He asked ‘Umm Sulaym about the condition of his son, and she said, ‘he is quieter than he was’. It could be interpreted to mean he was recovering or he is dead, but her husband understood it to mean his son was recovering. His wife (‘Umm Sulaym) did not want her husband to know that the child had died. She brought him his dinner. It was reported in the hadeeth that she adorned herself in a better way than she used to do before and the husband had marital relations with her. When they finished she opened up that the son had died. Aboo Talhah went to the Prophet and told him what had happened. The Prophet praised her action (i.e. ‘Umm Sulaym) and beseeched Allaah’s blessing on the marital relation they had. Did she rectify the husband or not?

Therefore, there are many ways by which women can correct/rectify men. In fact women are best in correction. There are things men would handle roughly, but if women see such things, they would advice men to do it in ‘so and so’ way (and it would be successful). Men may decide to add certain things to the advice given by their wives so that it appears as if they masterminded the whole thing. (Laughing mode activated)! May Allaah have mercy upon us! My advice to the women is that they should avoid acting in a disobedient and reckless manner toward their husbands because it is haroom. If such act does not happen, boycotting, forsaking in bed and physical fighting would not happen. Some of the scholars say the best thing is that a man should have not have a private room; he should always sleep in the same room with his wife because not sleeping in the same room with her is like boycotting her. There are also some other scholars that said it is not obligatory, even when sleeping with her is from the responsibilities of men. For example, the one who has four wives would have known how to divide his time…Therefore; there are many ways by which women can rectify men. There is no needing disturbing ourselves regarding the commands to forsake them in bed; strike them and so on. If you do not behave abnormally or recklessly, you won’t get such treatment.


Translated by Aboo Aaishah Al Odeomeey


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